Alone in a Crowded Room

My closest friends will tell you… I frequently head-trip and what I’m tripping on lately has been being lonely vs. being alone.  It seems as though I’m always surrounded by tons of people, but when I assess, the stark reality is… I am alone. Alone in hotel rooms, alone at the crib, alone traveling from place to place… alone in this experience of reaching my potential.

Truthfully, I used to be mortified at the thought of being alone though its benefits—personal growth, confidence, solitude—are great, the downside of being lonely, which is what I’ve been experiencing lately, really, really sucks.

I find myself staring at the padded walls in the vocal booth between takes quoting LL “ When I’m alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall...” I mean, here I am in the middle of my moment,  having all these awesome experiences and when I look to my right to say ‘Babe did u see that??!!!’ I’m reminded that I’m on this mission as a lonely soldier. Don’t get me wrong folks I am happy, so blessed and thankful for the opportunity to live my dream but loving arms are a woman’s comfort.

As an artist, there are many hurdles to overcome in order to have a successful relationship. For one, most artist’s are used to being the star of the show, that level of self -centeredness can be a bit much for the average person to handle. Secondly, even if you are able to deal with the over the top, often quirky personality of an artist, the hectic schedule and/or lifestyle is a tough one to maintain.

To remedy this most artists, including myself, date within or around the music industry (heck we’re always working anyway, where else would we meet people?) which can be a double edged sword. For instance, I currently have a friend who’s another artist that I respect and greatly admire. We are sincerely fond of each other and in him I have someone who understands my passion and unconventional lifestyle. We have so much in common and great chemistry, but our schedules conflict. We see each other very rarely, sometimes weeks to months can pass us by. Most of our time is spent communicating via text, telephone and video chat. It’s frustrating to say the least because our relationship is very hard to nurture. We have found ourselves in the limbo of an “adult situation” somewhere between jumping off and dating.

Read the rest over at Parlour

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